Living

It's not about rules

Sometimes it seems like all parents talk to kids about is manners, whether it’s prompting them to remember a “please” or “thank you,” or hurriedly informing them that it’s not polite to point out that their teacher’s new pantsuit is not overly flattering.

Manners can also be a source of conflict: some adults expect to be called “Mr. Smith,” while others offer a breezy “call me Jim!” And when kids aren’t sure what the rules are, manners can be a big source of anxiety.

But when kids understand how to handle themselves, it can give them confidence, says Elaine Swann, a nationally recognized etiquette expert, and the author of Let Crazy Be Crazy: Then Politely Get What You Want, Get Your Point Across, and Gently Put Rude People in Their Place.
That was true for Swann, who moved to the U.S. from Panama as a child, and found the assurance to make her way in a new culture by learning the etiquette.

It’s tempting to just drill elementary school kids on basic rules, Swann says. But it’s more important to help kids of any age understand that manners are about far more than obeying a set of requirements. “Manners are about putting other people at ease,” Swann says. So even at a young age, parents can encourage kids to offer kind words to others with questions like, “What kind of people do you like to be around?” followed by “How can we be more like that?”

By middle school, parents have usually hammered home the message that it’s not O.K. to talk with your mouth full. But Swann says that learning how to hold a conversation at mealtime is actually a far more important aspect of etiquette. Kids will need that skill all their lives, whether they’re interviewing for a job, or meeting prospective in-laws. And they learn best, Swann says, by doing. She encourages families to take every opportunity to sit down for a meal together, and really talk. Questions like “How was your day?” or “What do you think about the recent news?” aren’t just small talk—they’re key training to help kids get comfortable in all social settings.

High school kids can begin to think in terms of what Swann describes as the three core values of manners: respect, honesty, and consideration. A lot has changed since Swann started teaching etiquette 20 years ago, she says, in both culture and technology. But those core values remain the heart of all manners. Teaching kids to make eye contact and put away the phone at mealtimes is important. But it’s even more important, Swann says, to help them focus on what others are thinking and feeling. Parents can help kids think in these terms by asking questions like, “How do you think you would feel in that situation? How would you like to be treated?”

And at any age, Swann says, it’s important for parents to communicate that manners are not “something you turn on and off.” They are a way of life—learning how to be considerate of others, which helps kids feel confident themselves.

This article first appeared in TIME for Parents. Subscribe here!

"Even if a woman runs a studio, she still does it with a male point of view."

Actress Jessica Lange expressed little surprise that a movie studio reportedly turned down 37-year-old actress Maggie Gyllenhaal as “too old,” declaring that the entire movie making industry was run from a “male point of view.”

“Even if a woman runs a studio, she still does it with a male point of view,” Lange, the lead actor on the FX series American Horror Story, said in an interview with TheWrap.

“That men continue to be fascinating and attractive and virile, and women age and are no longer sexual or beautiful ,” she said. “It’s a fantasy that has nothing to do with reality.”

New findings cast further doubt

The National Consumers League tested 11 different olive oils purchased at various supermarkets, and found that six of them, despite being labeled “extra virgin,” weren’t extra virgin at all.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise, given extensive reports of lax standards and outright fraud in the olive-oil business. In fact, the findings are better than some earlier studies that indicated some olive oils were adulterated with other kinds of oil, such as soybean oil, or were made with olives from countries other than Italy, despite label claims of “Made in Italy.”

These practices were revealed in a widely shared New York Times interactive feature last year that was based on a couple of different studies.

The NCL’s testing comes with a load of caveats. It wasn’t a “study” so much as a more-or-less random bit of testing. Puzzlingly, while the NCL listed the five oils that passed the test, it didn’t name the six that didn’t.

That’s because the companies whose products failed the tests made “a huge stink” over the results, said Sally Greenberg, the NCL’s executive director. Those companies complained that only a single bottle of each variety was tested, and so the results were unfair, since occasionally a single bottle will go bad thanks to exposure to light or some other environmental factor. She said the NCL might test the same products again in “six or seven months,” using a different lab, and if the results are repeated, the NCL will reveal which products failed. “If it happens twice, well then maybe we’re on to something,” she said.

In 2011, the University of California at Davis found that about 69% of the olive oil sold in the United States is adulterated.

The NCL tested olive oil purchased in supermarkets in the Washington, D.C. area. None of the products they tested contained any oil that didn’t come from olives, but six of them, despite labels indicated the contrary, didn’t meet the standards for calling it “extra virgin.” The testing included lab analysis and tasting by experts.

“The results of our olive oil testing reveal that, while consumers are buying and paying extra for olive oil labeled EVOO, too much of the olive oil bought off the shelf isn’t the real deal,” said Sally Greenberg, executive director of the NCL, in a statement.

The five that did pass muster were:

California Olive Ranch Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Colavita Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Trader Joe’s Extra Virgin California Estate Olive Oil

Trader Joe’s 100% Italian Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Lucini Premium Select Extra Virgin Olive Oil

These numbers are staggering

For all the parents who have spent four years gritting their teeth and writing checks to pay for their kids’ college tuition — sorry, you’re not done yet. This year’s crop of graduates are going to be raking in a record $4.8 billion in graduation gifts, according to the National Retail Federation’s annual survey.

The NRF has been tracking spending on college graduation gifts for a decade now, and the outlay has never been higher.

After hanging out below $4 billion from 2009 through 2011, Americans’ collective spending on graduation gifts shot up in 2012. Last year, people gave $4.7 billion in graduation gifts, the survey’s previous record. The amount spent by each individual on graduation gifts also hit a new high this year, rising from a tick under $98 last year to $102.50 this year, and the average graduation gift-giver is shopping for two people — so those new grads will have to share the wealth.

Cash is the most popular gift — more than half plan to give it — so it’s possible some of this largess could be going towards the student loan debts many of these young adults have accumulated over the past four years. But the Benjamins are just the tip of the iceberg: More than 40% will give new grads congratulatory cards, about 30% will give gift cards, 13% will give clothes (that interview outfit might be a subtle hint) and more than 10% will buy them electronic gadgets, an increase over the 8% who bought new grads shiny new devices last year.

NRF results show that the ones giving the most green might be mom and dad: More than 60% of people between the ages of 45 and 54 who plan to give graduation gifts will give cash, and they’ll spend an average of $126.43. Older adults are also more likely than the overall pool of gift-givers to give gift cards.

From rustic, spicy reds to versatile rosés, everything you need to know

When it’s warm outside and our focus turns to summers at the lake, grilling, and watching the kids water ski, we want different kinds of wines than we do when we’re indoors and have less to distract us. We want the carefree, vinous equivalents of “Summer of ’69” or “Empire State of Mind,” and with all of the entertaining that we do this time of year, we need a pretty versatile soundtrack of summer wines to carry us through. Here are the kinds of wine you’ll want over the next few months—the best wines for nearly every outdoor occasion.

A signature summer wine.

This is your theme wine, the one that you buy cases and cases of and serve as your default house wine until the first week of September. It shouldn’t be too expensive a bottle—you’ll feel better about the pace at which your stash dwindles if you don’t spend too much. If you don’t have a signature summer wine yet, borrow one of mine: The Crossings 2014 Sauvignon Blanc Awatere Valley ($15) is the house summer white at our place. This Marlborough, New Zealand white is crisp and bright but not too lean, with hints of lemon, lime and grapefruit—and maybe even some melon—through the substantial finish. From the same region, Yealands Estate 2014 S1 Single Block Sauvignon Blanc Awatere Valley ($30) has racy lime, mineral and fresh herb flavors and is also quite delicious. If you’re new to New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, the Kim Crawford 2014 Sauvignon Blanc Marlborough ($18) is a good place to start. It’s a round, approachable wine with a pear and tropical fruit rather than citrus core.

My other go-to summer pours? Verdejo-based whites from Rueda, Spain. Lively acidity and flavors of pear and lime zest make Bodega Matarromera 2014 Melior Verdejo Rueda ($12) an enjoyable quaff. Sophisticated, minerally Bodegas Angel Rodríguez 2013 Martínsancho Verdejo Rueda ($22)is another very good choice.

A few fresh and versatile rosés.

Rosés are refreshing, food-friendly and beautifully hued; for all of these reasons rosés also make stunning summertime hostess gifts.

I prefer rosés that are fuller-bodied and flavorful rather than demure, which is probably why so many New World versions made my list. The Stoller 2014 Pinot Noir Rosé Dundee Hills ($25) has fresh raspberry flavors, with a bright citrus snap on the finish. It’s delicious, and killer with turkey burgers. Justin 2014 Cabernet Sauvignon Rosé Wine Paso Robles ($20) is tasty, racy and mouthwatering, with tangy plum and raspberry flavors. Case production is limited on Virginia’s Stinson Vineyards 2014 Rosé Monticello ($19), which is 100% Mourvèdre aged sur lie in stainless steel, but the wine is really enjoyable and worth seeking out for the nose—super floral, fresh garden, fresh pea—alone. The Chapoutier 2014 Belleruche Rosé Côtes-du-Rhône ($16) and the E. Guigal 2014 Côtes-du-Rhône Rosé ($16) are also both very good and are fairly easy to find. The Inman Family 2014 Endless Crush Rosé of Pinot Noir Russian River Valley ($25) is probably the most subtle of the bunch, with strawberry, mineral and fresh whipping cream flavors center stage. Read more about winemaker/owner Kathleen Inman.

Rustic, spicy reds for backyard barbecues and cool nights by the fire pit.

Hearty reds have their places in summertime, too, but the devil is in the details. Some people like to pair Zinfandels with barbecued food, but I find most of them too heavy—and too alcoholic—for hot weather. As a rule, try to avoid overly oaked and extracted reds wines of any variety this time of year.

To pair with barbecue I prefer Carmenères because their spicy, oftentimes herbaceous character really complements condiments and marinades. The Santa Rita 2009 Medalla Real Gran Reserva Carmenère Colchagua Valley ($20) has a round feel, judicious oak, and pretty mint and dried chili pepper accents. Inama’s 2012 Più Carmènere Colli Berici DOC ($20) has nice black cherry and plum flavors and good staying power on the midpalate, but feels more a match for grilled steak than burgers.

There’s nothing herbaceous about the Brandlin 2012 Cabernet Sauvignon Mount Veeder ($60), but it does feel like a throwback Cabernet—and that’s a good thing. There are no amped-up, creamy vanilla notes here; instead the wine serves up classic, outdoorsy flavors of bramble, nut, and tangy, just-picked plum. From a longtime farmer and grapegrower who has just started his own wine brand, Tom Gore Vineyards 2012 Field Blend Alexander Valley ($40) is a burly, Petit Verdot-dominant red blend with ripe black fruit and spice flavors. It will hold its own alongside barbecue or warm you when the sun is down, the air is chilly, and you’re getting a fire pit or beach bonfire going.

A few new-to-you white wines for porch swinging, poolside sipping and alfresco lunches.

Summer is the perfect time of year to expand your stable of go-to white wines because there’s so little risk involved: If you try a new white and it’s just so-so, throw it on ice a little longer (cold temperatures mask flavors, which is not a good thing if you love a wine but is a godsend if you don’t). That said, I don’t think you’ll have any quibble with these white finds.

I could drink the Dutton Goldfield 2014 Chileno Valley Vineyard Riesling Marin County ($30) all day. It is really nicely balanced, with bright but not bracing acidity, and sunny stone-fruit and tropical-fruit flavors that fade into a long finish. If you prefer your Rieslings a touch sweet (and you’re trying to hold your own against your beer-drinking friends), S. A. Prüm 2009 Ürziger Würzgarten Riesling Kabinett Mosel ($25) is a classic. It has German Riesling’s hallmark apricot and honeysuckle notes, and a low 7.5% alcohol content that is on par with that of many craft beers. On the next rack over from Germany at the wine shop look for the Joseph Cattin 2013 Pinot Blanc Alsace ($14). A terrific introduction to Alsatian wine, the Cattin has a steely backbone and a subtle pear-and-citrus flavor profile.

Whether there’s shrimp and chicken on the grill or you just like your whites with a little more heft, Rhône varieties fit the bill nicely. The Roussanne-dominant Anaba 2013 Turbine White Sonoma Valley ($28) has nice floral, tropical and stone fruit flavors and pretty nutmeg and graham cracker accents on the nose. Tahbilk’s 2014 Viognier Nagambie Lakes ($18) from Australia is clean and crisp, with pineapple core flavors and a dry, floral finish.

If summer just isn’t summer to you without favorites like Pinot Grigio and Chardonnay, seek out the Elena Walch 2013 Castel Ringberg Pinot Grigio Alto Adige ($23), with mineral and yellow apple flavors and some unctuousness on the palate. It’s nicely balanced and delivers a lot of class for the price. The Durant 2013 Lark Chardonnay Dundee Hills ($25) balances a creamy mouthfeel with pure stone-fruit flavors and seems a natural choice for lunch on the lanai.

A special stash of “Thank goodness we have our house back” wines.

You’ve hosted your extended family at your beach house for the week without losing your cool. You’re a rock star. Whatever you may already know about wine pairings, I can tell you this: The best match for a killer bottle is a quiet house. At our place, this kind of quiet celebration means that it’s time bust open a really nice red. A few excellent wines to try are Swanson 2011 Merlot Napa Valley ($38), a polished, smooth Merlot with bright cherry and blackberry flavors along with coffee and mocha accents. It goes downso easily. Ruffino 2010 Riserva Ducale Oro Chianti Classico Gran Selezione ($42) is Ruffino’s first Gran Selezione-designated Chianti Classico, and it’s a find. Its tannins are nicely knit and its plum fruit is swathed in a bitter chocolate, iron ore and oak. When the evening calls for something particularly indulgent pull out the Il Poggione 2010 Brunello di Montalcino ($85), a wine that is so texturally beautiful and intricate it feels as though it were designed by an architect; there’s really nothing out of place here. Is it too young to drink? Probably. Should you open it anyway? Pop that cork, rock star.

This article originally appeared on Fortune.com.

These light snacks are available for grabs at any convenience store

This summer, millions of Americans will take to the roads. If you’re one of them you may think that means hours with nothing to nosh on but convenience store staples like chips and cookies. Not anymore. While convenience stores still have their fair share of less-than-optimal eats, many now stock a surprising selection of fresh and healthy choices. Next time you stop to refuel, test drive these light snacks.

Whole grain cereal cups

Why start your day with a donut when you can get wholesome whole grain cereal? You may need to dig through the cereal display to find it, but it’s in there. Just be sure to read the label, as some varieties are more healthful than others. Look for brands that supply at least 4 grams of fiber and about 160 calories per cup (Cheerios are a safe bet that are almost always available). Mix with low-fat yogurt and a banana and you’ve got a wholesome breakfast you can take along for the drive.

Energy bars

Energy bars make a savvy snack to have on hand for times when you’re stuck in traffic and your stomach starts to growl. Yet they’re not all created equally. Many are low in fiber, high in calories and loaded with sugar. For maximum hunger control, aim for bars with a combo of at least 5 grams of fiber and 7 grams of protein and fewer than 170 calories such as Kellogg’s Special K Protein Meal Bar or Kashi Go Lean Protein & Fiber Bar.

Peanuts in the shell

Packed with vitamin E, monounsaturated fat and resveratrol (the compound responsible for the benefits of red wine), peanuts are a heart-healthy snack. But, if you’re not careful it’s easy to wolf down several servings before you know it. Enter in-shell peanuts. Shelling your own peanuts automatically slows you down, so you’ll be less likely to eat too many. About ½ cup supplies 7 grams of protein, 3 grams of fiber and 20% of your daily vitamin E for a respectable 160 calories.

Low-fat yogurt

When you crave something cool and creamy, head to the refrigerator case instead of the ice cream case. There you’ll find low-fat yogurt (some stores even stock organic varieties). It will satisfy your taste buds while also delivering on the nutritional front. For about 140 calories or less, you’ll get one-quarter of your daily calcium and as much protein as you’d get from a large egg. Look on the label and you’ll see many brands are now fortified with vitamin D as well.

V8 100% vegetable juice

Squeezing in your 9 daily servings of produce when you’re on the road can be a major challenge. While fresh is best, it isn’t always possible. That’s when 100% veggie juice can help. One 12-ounce bottle provides the equivalent of 3 servings of vegetables for just 70 calories. It’s packed with vitamins A and C, heart-healthy potassium, and lycopene, a phytochemical cousin of beta-carotene. Each bottle also offers 3 grams of filling fiber.

Trail mix

Put down the peanut M&Ms and reach for a bag of trail mix instead. Its dried fruit and nuts provide the perfect mix of sweet, salty and crunchy – but with a healthful twist. You’ll not only slash fat and calories, you’ll get half the saturated fat you’d find in chocolate bars or M&Ms. Be sure to keep an eye on portions. Even though it’s good for you, trail mix is high in calories. Three tablespoons supply 140 calories and 9 grams of fat.

Single serve bags of baby carrots

You no longer need to stumble across a roadside stand to get your fill of fresh veggies. Conveniently packaged single-serve bags of baby carrots make it easy to sneak in a serving of produce. Precut, prewashed and easily portable, they make a smart alternative to other bagged snacks. One 2¼ ounce bag delivers 90 percent of your daily dose of vitamin A and 2 grams of fiber for only 25 calories.

Fresh fruit cup

Stores like 7-Eleven are making it easier for you to get your fruit fix. Now instead of gravitating toward the snack aisle, check out the fresh food case. There you’ll find juicy fruit cups made from pre-cut cantaloupe, honeydew, and grapes. Not only are they a calorie bargain, they’re rich in fiber and also supply healthful antioxidants like vitamins A and C and beta-carotene. They’re filling too. One 8-oz container provides roughly 2 servings of fruit for only about 100 calories. If you can’t find fresh cut fruit, look for fruit packed in water or extra-light syrup.

Part skim string cheese sticks

It’s hard to squeeze in your 3 daily servings of dairy when you’re cooped up in the car all day. Calcium-rich snacks like string cheese can help. Grab a couple of these and you’ll get as much calcium as you would from a glass of milk. What’s more, their protein (one piece supplies 7 grams) helps you focus and stay alert behind the wheel. For a balanced snack, pair them with a bag of baby carrots.

Bananas

Most convenience stores offer single pieces of fresh fruit like bananas, oranges, and apples year round. You don’t have to look far to find them either—they are usually at the front of the store next to the cash register. If you don’t want to worry about washing an apple or trying to peel an orange while driving, reach for a banana. This sweet fruit is packaged in its own skin for easy clean up and nonsticky fingers. Bananas are a potassium powerhouse, delivering energy to help keep you going on that long drive.

This article originally appeared on CookingLight.com.

More from CookingLight.com:

• Best Energy Bars
• Best Foods for Women
• 12 Healthy Snacks

Suit sales have surged since 1998

While Mad Men may be over, its effect on menswear will no doubt live on in the U.S. and abroad. The show has long been charged with inspiring a fashion trend for men and women harkening back to the show’s 1960s setting. In a recent article, The Guardian said the Mad Men effect is very real. In fact, when the show began eight years ago, menswear was already seeing a surge in sales. Between 1998 and 2014, for example, suit sales doubles in the U.S.

Quartz, too, reported on the fashion effect inspired by the show. Tailored articles of men’s clothing sells for $4.8 billion each year, Quartz said, citing data from NPD Group. In fact, some of the biggest fashion brands, such as J. Crew, used the show as inspiration for new lines. Per the article:

Mad Men‘s brilliant costume design helped fuel that demand. It bred obsession among menswear publications, such as GQ, and created a crowd of guys wanting to emulate Draper’s dapper look. And then J.Crew stepped in to satisfy it, in the form of its slim-cut Ludlow suit.

The Guardian, meanwhile, characterized the men’s fashion that appears on the show as follows:

• Michael Ginsberg embodied the style plate, or extroverted fashion sense
• Don Draper was the traditionalist, or the person who sticks with what he already enjoys
• Pete Campbell served as the old soul, or the man who dresses in older fashions
• Roger Sterling was the rake, or the person inspired by fun menswear
• Stan Rizzo dressed as the rebel, or the casual dresser

For the full list and explanations from the newspaper, see here.

Interestingly, Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner explained the premise behind the 1971 Coca-Cola ad that played in the show’s final minutes in a recent interview.